E Ryan Janz

My name is Ryan Janz and I live in Anytown, USA, and I have chosen not to include my photo in my bio at this time in the abject fear I will be recognized and therefore mobbed by crazed fans. For example, say I post my picture, and let’s also say I’m walking my dog down my friendly neighborhood street, you know, Main Street, and as a result the unthinkable occurs:
1. I am breathlessly asked by a passing neighbor to autograph my thrilling new Noir/Private Investigator novel, Boulevard Dreams, or I’m pretty sure that’s what he said.
2. My neighbor doesn’t have the book with him, or as he put it, “I’ve never heard of your stupid piece of trash and you frighten me”.
3. I give him a copy I happen to be carrying in my wheel barrel.
4. My neighbor is hesitant in believing I wrote the book.
5. I produce my driver’s license for proof of my authorship, careful to place my thumb over my picture because I do not wish to be recognized and therefore mobbed by crazed fans.
6. My neighbor threatens to call the police.
7. My dog insists we hastily return home, and as we do, I lower my baseball cap across my face because I do not wish to be recognized and…etc.
8. I hear police sirens and as I hide below the trap door in my basement my dog decides to move out.
9. While living under my basement and reading a handy book on chock full of fun survival techniques, it occurs to me I don’t own a dog.
10. Having read how baked rat can easily be transformed into a healthy snack while overthrowing the government, I hear a dog howling in the distance, reminding me it’s time once again to collect my wheel barrel and join my dog for a pleasant walk down Main Street, USA.


Boulevard Dreams


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